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15 January 2011 @ 11:40 pm
Week #1 Answers  
Welcome, readers! This is Bill with the first week of my weekly question and answer column. I must say I was hardly expecting the number of interesting questions I've received this week, and I'd like to thank all of you for sending in your thoughts and making this round a success. If anyone would like to ask me anything else, don't be shy! It would be a pleasure to hear from you.


nekou_usagi_tr writes:
Jabots are cool. I think all dudes should wear them.

Why do you wear a jabot?


Bill's answer:
nekou_usagi_tr:
I quite agree! I can't imagine why anyone would consider it eccentric wear; it adds a touch of class and unique flavor to any almost any outfit.

I might not like anything overly formal, but I must admit I still enjoy looking stylish.

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Scott W. Pilgrim writes:
Hey, Bill! I'm a big fan, can I have your autograph, and stuff?
Anyway, er... you made the storage system... do you ever peek at other peoples' Pokemon, or anything? Seen any awesome ones?
-Scott W. Pilgrim


Bill's answer:
Scott:

My autograph? Certainly! I love talking to fellow maniacs! Where should I send it?

Do I ever peek at other people's Pokémon? Technically, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but on occasion, I do. Usually, it's because someone is having problems with their account or because the League needs to access trainer data due to suspected cheating. For the former, it's mandatory for me to tap into user data to perform repairs because some problems are account-specific. (One notable example. About ten years ago when most trainers were still using the old text-based interface that required users to switch which box they were using manually, there was an inordinate number of people who would shut down the PC improperly before the box was successfully switched. To this day, I have no idea why, but I can't even begin to tell you how many Pokémon I had to pull out of odd databanks and deposit back into trainers' boxes myself.) For the latter, I like to monitor League officials' activity on user accounts to make sure they don't do anything unusual.

I have seen quite a few interesting Pokémon belonging to singularly impressive trainers. Unfortunately, because I'm forbidden by law to share user data with third parties (standard privacy policies, after all), I can't really specify the kinds of things I've found.

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Lenore writes:
Dear Bill,

This has been on my mind for awhile now, and I'll say I'm going to be a bit forward:

Do you actually enjoy our sexual encounters at all? Sometimes I have difficulty in understanding if you do or not, and I'd like to know if it's just me forcing you into an uncomfortable situation or not.

Yours,

Lenore

P. S. Oh, one more thing. Did you really get that tattoo on your lower back while you were intoxicated? I ask, because it's dangerous to have that sort of thing done while under the influence of alcohol, which leaves me surprised that an artist would actually risk doing that to you while in such a state. Given, I'm sure there are unscrupulous artists out there, but my point is, I wouldn't think any less of you if you'd gotten it while you were sober.


Bill's answer:
Lenore:

The truth is I really was in an alternate state of mind when I received this tattoo, but it wasn't inebriation by alcohol. (I won't go into exactly what it was or how it happened for legal reasons, but I can safely say that I was not aware that what I was consuming were – ahem – baked goods with an herbal influence.) Technically, I would have been turned away completely from professional artists due to being underage and without parental consent at the time, but I knew a number of art students in college who were particularly resourceful. Rest assured that if I knew they would be doing this – much less how they did it – I wouldn't have allowed it at all.

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P3 writes:
Dear master pathetic human who calls himself the system administrator:

Have you ever yiffed in one of your ~*experimental costumes*~?

If you say 'no,' you're lying.

Your friend,

P3

P. S. BTW, if you don't know what 'yiff' means, go look it up on the internet, kid.

P. P. S. I'd also like you to know that the Victorian era ended quite some time ago, so you might want to update your wardrobe, k.


Bill's answer:
P3:

Excuse me for a moment.

[Bill loads Google in a side tab and performs a search. He doesn't get much further than the first page of hits. After several minutes of staring blankly at the screen, he clears his throat.]

My costumes are only for research purposes, contrary to whatever strange rumor you might have heard. They are not for my pleasure, and they're certainly not for that kind of pleasure.

Well, I mean to say that I do enjoy my work, but it's purely on a scientific level. It's fascinating to get into the minds of Kabuto and other extinct Pokémon. I can't imagine fully grasping a mindset so complex without some kind of visual aid.

---

D writes:
Dear Bill,

Okay, how old are you actually?

Just curious.

- D


Bill's answer:
D:

As of this writing, I'm roughly two years younger than Professor Oak when he started as a Pokémon researcher. Thank you for asking!

---

Melon the Cat writes:
BILL#)(R3

LSDKFJ:SLDKSDLFKJSDDDDDDD:FJFEWTE^YU)#)PTGKBNWEGMB#RJLTGWK#WEW????????????????!!!! - MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRROLLLOON ---


Bill's answer:
Melon:

You have incredibly poignant theories on quantum chromodynamics; I'm afraid I can't sufficiently address many of your points in this space, although I would certainly love to continue this discussion privately. In response to your question, however, no, I don't believe catnip would be a sufficient substitute for the component in the particle accelerator you've described, given the specifics of the experiment you've developed. Might I suggest another electromagnet instead?

---

Professor Juniper writes:
Mr. McKenzie,

I've read about your methods for research and find them to be quite intriguing. Would you be interested in giving a demonstration at the symposium in Unova this coming year? I ask, because there are quite a few interns here that are particularly interested in your methods.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Professor Juniper


Bill's answer:
Professor Juniper,

It's good to hear from you! I've heard quite a bit about your own research, and your theories on Pokémon origins are absolutely fascinating. It would be an honor to have a chance to discuss them further with you, if you have a moment in the future.

On that note, I certainly can't turn down a request from a fellow researcher, and I'd be delighted to give a few demonstrations for your interns.